Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
