party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
