don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
