My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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