You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
