Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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