it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
