saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
