Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
