Why are handjobs necessary in class?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
