I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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