Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
