Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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