We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
