Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
And then he peed in my hair
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