This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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