Christians are straight up FREAKS
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
