I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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