im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
