I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
