Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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