Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
