I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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