I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Can you bring me the toilet please
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
