i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
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