I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
