Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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