she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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