1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
