Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
did i walk over a car last night?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
3 2 1 whiskey
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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