now i know why i became what i already was.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
