508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
