We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
