I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
