I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
