i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
