stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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