69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
