Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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