I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
