i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
