Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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