Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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