i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
