Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
