my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
