I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize