five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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