My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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