if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
