He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
