I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
