Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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