Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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