I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize