you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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