He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
