dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize