Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
