you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
