i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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