Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
nutella sex= disaster
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize