I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Edward fifth and chaser hands
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
