In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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