Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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