she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
