Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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