Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
