Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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