we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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